To Feel Human
by FleuretNight
Summary: The only thing she wanted was to feel human again.        The only thing she wanted was to feel human again.             She wasn't always cheerful and bright, shortly after she was cursed, she tried to killed herself. Stella-Centric


**To Feel Human  
Stella Centric  
Warnings/Spoilers: Vaguely AU/AR, sucidal themes  
Author Note: Inspired by the song Pain by Three Days Grace, and I imagine it taking place before the Game, but Stella isn't royalty or rich in this particular piece. So I guess its AU or AR.  
****Summary: The only thing she wanted was to feel human again. **

_…You're a monster. _

_…You shouldn't be allowed to live. _

_…All beings who seeing the light of Etro, should be put to death. _

It wasn't like she meant to kill to that villager, and truthfully even now she isn't entirely sure how she even killed him.

But one minute the owner of the orphanage was yelling at her, because her glass vase broke, even though technically she was pushed by another child, and it cause her to hit the table with the vase. Then the next she knows the owner was being killed by ice magic.

There is only one group of people who have the ability to use magic, and those are the people who were cursed by Etro, people who can see the light of Etro.

Apparently the village somehow found out about the incident, and decided to cast her as a witch, the daughter of Etro.

She isn't a fool, if she knows if she were to stay in that town any longer, they would have killed her. So she decided to run into the forest surrounding the town she was living in.

Although she has to admit, she is starting to regret her choice, if the villagers had kill her, she would have been reunited with her deceased parents and twin brother in the kingdom of Etro. Perhaps it was then she became suicidal.

She desires to see her family more than anything else in the world. She brings the small dagger to her naked wrist. She bites her lip to prevent the cry that would have escaped her lips, and for a minute she is even surprise she could feel pain.

Monsters don't feel pain right?

Monsters are supposed to be heartless beings, right?

But if she feels pain does that mean she is human?

She watches as the cut slowly disappears, the red droplets of blood that had risen to her skin had disappeared with the cut.

She couldn't help but to burst out in bitter, humorless laughter. It didn't take long until she became addicted to pain. Because it is only when she is in pain, even if it's for a brief seconds she feels human. Considering she sure as hell didn't want to associate herself with the town's people again, no more than necessary at least.

She didn't want a repeat of what happened at the orphanage, she never wanted to kill another person again, even if they do wrong her in some way or desire her death.

Perhaps the second closest thing she desires most besides rejoining her family in the kingdom of Etro, to feel like a human again.

But for the next two years she has learn more about self than she wanted to, and with each new revelation, she feels less as a human, and more non-human. She refuses to call herself as a monster, even if there is some truth to those words.

For instance, normal humans couldn't summon magic, and it was a year after the death of the orphanage owner she realize she could summon different weapons, swords, daggers, spears, she could even summon guns.

A couple of months later, after she stayed at a rundown supposedly haunted castle for shelter, she realized she could make pacts with spirits, or more commonly known as eidolons.

But his name was Odin.

A dark knight who rides on his faithful steed.

Truthfully she doesn't know why Odin even decided to make a pact with a suicidal, mess-up, thirteen year old.

So she gets into this daily cycle of cutting herself when she feels the need to feel pain, to feel like a human again.

It has become an addiction for her.

Whenever she feels like she needs a fix, she would bring to blade her naked wrist, and cut it. For those few seconds when the sense of pain rushes through her body.

She feels human.

She was sixteen, when a general from the Tenebrean army comes for her, or to be more in particular when he comes with her an offer from the King.

Strangely enough this particular general has been looking for her for the past three years. Most likely since the incident with the orphanage owner

But the general was cute most likely in his early to mid twenties, but he was kind to her saying all of the right things to her, making her feel like a human again.

_You're such a beautiful woman, Miss Fleuret, why would you harm yourself in such a matter. _

She didn't bother to explain it was a way to feel human again,

She couldn't deny the fact she was a bit surprise she accepted the generals offer, but he did make her feel human again.

During the few weeks they traveled to the capital city to meet the king, she supposes she grown to have a crush on him. He was kind, often telling her stories, making her smile, and laugh, he even taught her how to fight, something she was somewhat reluctant to do, but somehow he manage to talk her into it.

But during those weeks, she never lifted a blade to her wrist again, of course she has a feeling he would have stopped her anyway.

But he made her feel like a human again.

-the End


End file.
